Dear Lani

Your bi-weekly kinks and fetish-related advice column

  • Dear Lani: Stigmas around BDSM
    BDSM seems a lot more popular these days. Is there still stigma associated with being in the lifestyle? Doesn’t BDSM conflict with modern feminism and the ideas of equality?

Dear Lani

In the Playgrounds series, one of the Dommes in the community is Lani McMillan, fashionista, pro-kink counsellor and steadfast friend of Jacob and Luna. This weekly advice column is a tribute to one of the most influential characters at the Playgrounds.

Every second week, Domme Shadow, the inspiration behind the character Lani, and I will be picking and answering one question on power dynamics, kinks and other BDSM questions readers may have.

Got a question? Join The Muse’s Touch Facebook group to submit your questions and join in on the discussion. Every second Tuesday, we’ll be picking one question to answer for the following Monday.

BDSM seems a lot more popular these days. Is there still stigma associated with being in the lifestyle? Doesn’t BDSM Read more
What kind of goals would a D/s couple set and what are some ways to work towards them? Read more
I hear sometimes in reference to scenes and kinks, hard and soft lines? How are those lines defined and how Read more
What is this position training that keeps cropping up in BDSM books? Why do BDSM couples do it and what Read more
So I think I’ve found a local dungeon to visit. What do I need to know? What’s the protocol here? Read more
A special thanksgiving post, we dive into how we give thanks to our Dominant or submissive. Read more
How does a sub survive without a Dominant, especially in the beginning? Read more
What constitutes a bad dominant? How can a sub identify one? Read more
So communication seems to come up all the time. What are some things we can do to encourage that? Read more
How did you know whether you were Dom or submissive? Were there certain behaviors or signals that you experienced? Read more
How does a Dom/me go about helping and teaching a sub t to be comfortable being themselves as submissives? Read more
A lot of stories talk about Doms getting trained formally by other Doms. What does formal training mean and what Read more