Welcome to this week’s Dear Lani, an advice column to answer all your kinky questions. Want to know how a guy gets fitted for a chastity cage? Want to know what gag reflex training looks like? We’ve got your answers, or at least advice…okay, opinion.
Q: So communication seems to come up all the time. What are some things we can do to encourage that?
A: There are many advice columns, articles online, etc to talk about how to communicate in a relationship. So rather sweeping broadly, let’s focus on how to communicate more in the bedroom. I don’t mean pillow talk but rather, to entice your significant others to talk more in regards to what he/she likes and doesn’t like in bed. Here are five games adapted by others more generic ones that you can play and may even lead to sexy fun times. These are not super kinky games but encourages and rewards communication. Ready? Here it goes.
Not So Fast
This is a game where one dresses up (think lingerie, garter belts, etc) and preps the room for fun, then wait on the bed. When the partner comes in, the one on the bed then asks questions. If the answer back is satisfactory, then they can take one step closer. If they got it wrong, then they must take one step away.
This allows the one on the bed to explore the other while incentivizing them.
X Marks The Spot
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Each partner hides an X on their body that pleases them and the other has to find it. Once found, they get a reward card which is a wish to grant. It can be anything from doing dishes (true story) to something more sexual. Be daring! Ask for a new position or toy!
This helps a lot with getting to know each other’s body.
This is another one to help explore and get to know each other’s body. When you touch your partner, they must mirror back touching you there as well. Watch for reactions!
This is a non verbal way to teach your partner about areas you like having touched and learn about theirs.
Choose Your Weapon
Put any toys you and your partner have in a grab bag. Each of you then draws one out randomly and as a couple you must play with the two toys until both climaxes.
This is a fun one because the toy has to be used on both partners, regardless of gender which means everyone has to get creative. Meanwhile, you’ll also have to be expressive to tell your partner where you’d like the toy to be used and vice versa.
Of course, you can also turn traditional games into bedroom games. One easy one is Jenga. Colour the pieces and give them a new legend each time you play. Make sure to have a “Golden Brick” for the super rare fun. For instance, green can be for a kiss, red for removing a piece of clothing and gold can be oral stimulation.
You can also turn any game into a strip version but beware that the game you pick should not be too cutthroat. Dice is always fun but something like Munchkin and Carcassonne is a bad idea (take it from Pixie).
There are other ways such as reading an erotic story together. It can be fun to ready sexy stories together. Have each pick a book and take turns reading. When you start laughing at what they do, offer ideas on how it could be sexier. Reenactments can be great. (Domme Shadow and her hubs did one from a yet-to-be-released manuscript of The Playgrounds.)
There are, of course, also apps that help suggest activities or assist with games. Domme Shadow recommends Do You in the Apple store. Check it out at: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/do-you-discovery-wellness/id1473300604
You can also play the long game with each other, especially if there are BDSM dynamics in your relationship. For instance, the Dominant can have the sub write down reward wishes. All those cards get put into envelopes and the Dom/me amasses a pile. Then when the sub does well, they earn a reward and can pick one out at random for the Dominant to grant. Sometimes they forget about a wish, then it gets granted and they surprise even themselves.
Of course, you are and should not be limited to these games. Get creative, take something basic and make it sexy. There are lots of easy games and options to safely explore and open up to partner that you want to try more risky things without words
Got a question?
Disclaimer: We are expressing personal opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.