Welcome to this week’s Dear Lani, an advice column to answer all your kinky questions. Want to know how a guy gets fitted for a chastity cage? Want to know what gag reflex training looks like? We’ve got your answers, or at least advice…okay, opinion.
Q: What is this position training that keeps cropping up in BDSM books? Why do BDSM couples do it and what kind of kink is it?
A: Position training likely originated from the strict Gorean style of BDSM (another topic for another time) but has been adopted by many outside of that particular lifestyle because of the inherent power exchange that comes along with the exercise. At the very heart of it, position training involves the Dominant requiring the submissive to pose in positions of their liking. But this is quite a bit more underlying the exercise.
First, positions help a submissive get into the headspace required to receive the physical attentions of the Dominant, be it pain or pleasure, but also into the mindset of submission. The very act of the motion signifies the submissive not only giving the Dominant control of their body but also shows their willingness to place the control of their own body in their Dominant’s hands. Thus begins to power exchange.
This is not only true in the throes of a scene. Position training helps the submissive understand clearly the expectations of the Dominant, especially when in public such as a fetish club or a private play party. A simple word or gesture can become a quick command that the Dominant can give at those times. This establishes also a leader-follower dynamic.
Positioning training can also be used as a grounding technique. Should the submissive become too emotional and no longer dealing with a situation at hand, position training can give the submissive something else to focus on until their head clears. This is in a way, similar to yoga, tai chi and other meditative exercises. In fact, it is much the same. There are certain poses and balance techniques but like a good instructor, the Dominant should take into account how far the limits of the submissive’s body. Stretching exercises to build up or supplement position training can help as well.
Speaking to limits, position training is also great for helping the submissive gauge their own limits, but also for the Dom to evaluate how dedicated and determined the submissive is, not to mention how patient both parties are as well. While position training can become a very sensual exercise, it does not have to be and may be good for a pair first getting to know each other to try out.
An example of position training is that the submissive may be in a rest position but have to hold up a tray that has a drink, snack of something else randomly heavy to help them build strength in holding the position. Success means a treat of some sort. Failure results in punishment which can be something as simple as a 5 minutes extension on a chore.
And have fun with the poses. Use it as modelling for some new clothing or even better (one of both Domme Shadow’s and Pixie’s favourites), combine it with a bit of shibari. Rope can help with the training as the right harness can act like a weight lifter’s belt. For instance, the Dom can tie them into a position that anchors on the back so that the shoulders and hips are pulled into position and when the back can no longer hold, it shifts the weight to shoulders and hips to give the submissive a small break. Not to mention, it also causes tension to certain muscles and the flexing can bring out some lovely contours.
We’ll cap this article off with a training tip for the females and males: For the ladies who sit all day, do your kegels every few minutes. IT helps with the muscles down below, lower back and also abs. For the gents, try the suck in gut exercise. It does work overtime.
That’s it on position training. Now go forth and try it out!
Got a question?
Disclaimer: We are expressing personal opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.