Dear Lani: Giving Thanks

Welcome to this week’s Dear Lani, an advice column to answer all your kinky questions. Want to know how a guy gets fitted for a chastity cage? Want to know what gag reflex training looks like? We’ve got your answers, or at least advice…okay, opinion.

It was Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada so we wanted to interrupt and give some ideas on how to thank your Dom or sub.

As a Dom, you are likely already giving your submissive treats and rewards for good behaviour but it never hurts to verbalize your gratefulness. Need some help? Here are some phrases for you to consider but make sure you customize it and make it your own:

I am thankful for your trust. And for your services. And allowing me control.

I am thankful and thrilled by every moan.

I am thankful that I was gifted you.

If you are feeling playful, you can also make it a fun night with a thankful game where you each take turns to name a thing about the other that you are thankful for and it is accompanied by a kiss somewhere of your choosing. Or turn it around and let the other person do the kissing as an acknowledgement to your words.

Your way of showing gratitude maybe something completely nonsexual. Are there chores you’ve set up for your submissive? Give them a break from it. Or pamper them in other ways. You know what your sub likes the best. Indulge them.

Or, make it a night and set up a scene that you two have always wanted to do.  But watch out, your sub may also have ideas on how to thank you.

As a sub, your dominant is likely making decisions most of the time, whether in bed or maybe even out. That can get tiring day-in, day-out, even for a Dom who enjoys it. Consider then what are ways to make their life easier and use that as a starting point.

Does your Dom always plan the play scenes in the bedroom? Maybe you can plan one instead. Let them know you have a surprise planned and ask if you can take lead, at least in the beginning. Incorporate things that you know they will like such as a toy or wear a new outfit. There are countless ways you can incorporate some creativity into your scenes.

We absolutely love this concept we’ve read and Pixie uses in her own books and that is the concept of lifting the world.for each other. To us, it means for the sub to serve in ways to alleviate the stress of everyday life. It means for the Dom to provide the structure, safety and leadership for the sub to abandon the exhaustion of making decisions all the time as our society requires. If there is any day for deriving ideas from this philosophy, we think Thanksgiving is a perfect idea for it.

A good sum of this sounds like something you would do for each other in a regular relationship and that is perfectly fair. Not all aspects of a BDSM lifestyle involves kinks. It is, at the very heart of it, a relationship of two people and to do things for each other (note the reciprocal nature) is a gesture of reaffirming that relationship. Don’t take each other for granted and remember to always be thankful for having the other in your life.

Got a question?

Join the The Muse’s Touch Facebook group to submit your questions and join in on the discussion. Every Tuesday, we’ll be picking one question to answer for the following Monday.

Disclaimer: We are expressing personal opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.

One thought on “Dear Lani: Giving Thanks

  1. Another great post. And honestly coming from an upbring filled with divorce and relationships void of communication I think all couples who seek out a marriage license should have to learn about the D/s lifestyle not necessarily participate unless they want. But I think a lot of couples especially, could learn about communication just by educating themselves on what a good D/s relationship is.

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