Welcome to this week’s Dear Lani, an advice column to answer all your kinky questions. Want to know how a guy gets fitted for a chastity cage? Want to know what gag reflex training looks like? We’ve got your answers, or at least advice…okay, opinion.
Q: What is really involved in preparing for a scene and aftercare look like? What do I have to know as a Dom?
A: Preparation for a scene can be as simple as just ease of access besides having the tools of the trade, but sometimes improvising can be a lot of fun as well, such as using the belt of a bathrobe for bondage, for instance. Some scenes can be usually quite the spur of the moment and reactive to the sub so some things can become more of a permanent fixture.
So let’s talk specifics. In anticipation for aftercare, it’s good to prep a station with washcloths nearby. A bin is great for this and a big bottle of water with a sports cap on it can let you squirt water on the cloths and clean. Room temperature water is, of course, the best for this but if the room you are playing in has an ensuite, then all the better. You’ll also want to put the clothes in a place to clean up later. A sink sponge holder is great for this.
On to the toys! You will want to prep your toys and ensure they are fit for the scene. For example, rope should always be checked for breaks and tears, cuffs for rust or scratched spots. Or it may be as simple as having lube and condoms in place. (A quick note on lubes – using smaller tubs will allow you to warm the lube up more easily so it’s not so cold on application, unless you are going for temperature play.) A cross should be checked for splinters to ensure that it’s smooth with wood polish or wax. Test any whips or floggers with a few flicks to make sure you feel good with it and that there are no pain for yourself as the Dom too.
Mentally, there are also other considerations. If you are a rigger, consider what pose and how much rope is needed and if pictures are wanted, whether the lighting allows it. Think through what toys you want to use and what reaction you want to solicit. For those into pain, ensure too that there is a first aid kit close by, just in case.
As for aftercare, besides cleaning, you will need to consider what kinds of reactions your sub may have after the scene and plan accordingly. Facecloths for tears, sugar perhaps, and definitely water. Something to note is that aftercare is different for everyone and discussion needs to happen before a scene as to what kind of aftercare the sub and the Dom needs. Some may need a good cuddle session, some others may just need a kiss and food. The point is to discuss beforehand so preparations can be made accordingly.
The more you plan, the less you have to worry about, later on, add the more you just get to enjoy your very willing sub.
Got a question?
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Disclaimer: We are expressing personal opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.