Dear Lani: Fetish Gear

Welcome to this week’s Dear Lani, an advice column to answer all your kinky questions. Want to know how a guy gets fitted for a chastity cage? Want to know what gag reflex training looks like? We’ve got your answers, or at least advice…okay, opinion.

Q: What do I wear to a fetish event, like a convention or even a fetish club night?

A: We’ve talked about fetish conventions and similar events but what we haven’t taken a deeper dive into what would be appropriate to wear to certain events. So this post is all about the basics!

First, it’s very important to check what the event calls form many local clubs will ask their guests to not wear street clothes but to at least don on some fetish wear. Often there may be a theme to adhere to. Do not ignore this! Dressing up is not oh for yourself but shows the bouncers and other employees of the club that you are going to put in the effort.  As this article points out, if someone doesn’t bother to respect the dress code, chances are they won’t be respectful of the community’s rules which is so important to everyone’s safety. So in other words – make the effort! However, sometimes for more trade-shows and conventions, street-wear may be okay except for specific events like the dances or balls in the evening.

So let’s talk some basic pieces. For women, an easy thing to start out with is a tight top and short skirt with a pair of boots. But to take it a step beyond streetwear, think about the theme and the look you are going for. This is where you want to have more of a costume mindset rather than everyday wear. Are you going for a schoolgirl look? Go for a pleated skirt. Something more slinky? Maybe pleather or latex. Steampunk? Khaki or brown leather. Goth? Tulle. Punk? Something distressed. You’re getting the idea. Apply the same considerations to the top and your boots and you start having the basic building blocks. Google, look at images for ideas but keep in mind the imagery you want and the theme of the event you are attending

Now don’t forget the accessories, a little goes a long way. Don’t underestimate the belt, or glasses or hats. You can find some good cheap costume items at dollar stores even around Halloween. Pixie has also had good luck with wearing two crisscrossing studded belts for more punk looks. Chokers, wrist cuffs, gloves, fascinators — there are endless choices.  Be creative. Have fun.

A note on shoes — you will be on your feet a lot. Go for something easy. Now is not the time to be adventurous.

A second note — lingerie, if you are feeling adventurous, can go a long way as a costume piece. Don’t estimate a nice pair of panties, garters and stockings. Paired with a corset and boots, that can be almost a standard costume on the scene if you are comfortable enough.

The last point for the ladies — corsets and cinchers! Do. Not. Cheap. Out. We cannot emphasize this enough. A cheap corset can wreck your back and/or break apart in many ways. Ribbing can bend or snap, poking you uncomfortably or the lacing may snap. For example, make sure the boning is not plastic.

Of course, there is also menswear. You’ll see plenty of mesh tops and short hot pants if you google fetish costumes but that is not the limit by far. Bondage pants (pants with many straps attached and string across) is a common thing. Again, the theme is important. Military look or a nice three-piece suit, silk tie and shiny shoes can be just as alluring. Distressed, punk or goth looks are also very popular. 

Of course, there is also gender-bending or even mix and match. There is nothing wrong with a pair of bondage pants and a laced bra and suspenders. (Okay that may have been a favourite of Pixie’s.) Or a nice tailored suit for a woman or a tulle skirt for a guy. The key is to have fun and to dress with intent.

Now go forth and dress up!

Got a question?

Join the The Muse’s Touch Facebook group to submit your questions and join in on the discussion. Every Tuesday, we’ll be picking one question to answer for the following Monday.

Disclaimer: We are expressing personal opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.

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