Welcome to this week’s Dear Lani, an advice column to answer all your kinky questions. Want to know how a guy gets fitted for a chastity cage? Want to know what gag reflex training looks like? We’ve got your answers, or at least advice…okay, opinion.
Q: What are your favourite toys and things to do during scenes?
A: Let’s outline a few toys that we like to play with to start.
Velcro cuffs: We talked about these before as a great beginner’s toy but I love these actually for a variety of differences. They’re versatile and adaptable, easy to explain while also easy to hide. There’s something about the fact that a sub can easily pull apart and away from them but don’t by the sheer will of wanting to serve that makes it so much sexier. Now regular cuffs are good too as they have a hardness to them and the lack of give is what many enjoy. It depends on the kind of dynamic you want to play out in the scene in this case and a dominant should take that into consideration when planning the scene.
Bullets: Another versatile and easy hand tool. It’s an easy tool to use against either the nipples or the clitoral hood although I find that directly on the clit is a little too much. Using the bullet to tease can also be a lot of fun. A female can use it on herself to amp up the pleasure if required but a male can also use it to edge them along further. And don’t think the tool is limited to just being used on the female anatomy. It may seem weird at first but it’s just as pleasurable to use the bullet on the guy, either to tease the anus or along the shaft. So many uses! Just be careful to not leave a toy inside!
Vibrators: We probably don’t have to go over this too much. All we’ll say here is that sizing and settings are always good to consider. And you never want a vibrator that sounds like a generator getting started or have a pull cord to start up. Yes, we have heard of such things here.
As for plays, one of my (Domme Shadow’s) favourites is texture play. Texture and simulation are what I find will help a girl get off, so things have to rub for her to like it, and no, not like sandpaper! Gloves are great for this. Both leather and latex have great textures and it’s all about playing to those heightened senses and introducing them to new sensations. There’s nothing like running my hands all over the sub’s body to see where it tickles and where’s pleasurable. Even fingertips can be a sensation and those areas are highly responsive to both the sub and the Dominant. With gloves on, the Dominant feels less the textural difference and have to rely on visual and audio more. The best thing is that it’s super easy to pick up texture things. For instance, people may tickle each other with a feather duster.
Which brings us to the next thing – choreplay. And YES CHOREPLAY IS REAL.
It’s a combination of physical labour and domestication combined with the idea of submission that seems to have the right mix. From sexy maid outfits to peekaboo nudity with aprons, it’s a perfect chance to show off the body to each other. Having a partner bend over to vacuum or clean the floors? Or unloading laundry? Standing on a chair to put things away? Watching bubbles play up their arms when they are doing dishes? Just think of the endless opportunities!
Those are just some specific highlights but of course, it’s different for everyone. What are some of yours as readers?
Got a question?
Disclaimer: We are expressing personal opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.